Sun, sand and prayer as Woman's Guild deployed to run church beach hotel

PCEA Secretary General Rev Robert Waihenya and Rt Rev Thegu Mutahi. The church is facing financial difficulties. [File, Standard]

I hear things are so thick in the Kasongo economy, even the Presbyterian Church is running a side hustle on the Kenyan coast by way of a beach hotel called Milele, meaning everlasting, and evocative of the Biblical lingo.

But that’s as far as their creativity went. When the going tough, as it does for all of us, the church leadership did something I would call asinine, were it not that it relates to the church: It sought audience with Prezzo Bill Ruto to help them out.

What in the Lord’s name do financial difficulties of the Church got to do with the Head of State? I’m not pontificating about the separation of Church and State—no one cares about such values any more. My apprehensions are premised on something more basic: Where I come from, we say one does not seek a blood donation from a fly, because it’s got none.

I’m not saying Prezzo Ruto has got no money—actually he’s got so much, he’s even building a church at the Nairobi State House out of his own pocket. And should he run out of cash, he will simply print some more.

But the church has got what Prezzo Ruto lacks: moral authority—given the greed and avarice that his administration represents. Some call it a murderous regime, given the senseless killing of youthful protesters in the last two years. See, that’s the strong response that the idea of his government evokes, taking away the pleasures that the Presbyterian Church would like us to indulge in at Milele.

I am persuaded that the Church, whose mantra is “Jitegemea” or self-reliance, has many assets at its disposal that it could deploy to salvage its Milele project, yet retain its dignity and autonomy. First off, it need not declare that it’s an alcohol free zone. Folks will discover that when they arrive. After all, the main reason folks retreat to the coast is not to clear their heads, but to lose them.

There are many ways of letting guests “lose” their heads, one of the most effective being music. The mugithi circuits long discovered that revellers enjoy praise and worship, so they introduced “kigocho.” So, offering mugithi-flavoured “kigocho” at Milele is a great idea.

Secondly, the wine offered at sacrament, whether alcoholic or non-alcoholic, should be offered in good quantities at Milele. I mean, what’s good for the goose is also good for the gander. A creative mixologist could use a dash of madafu and fruits like cherry, strawberry or lemon to tease out the kind of excitement alcoholics respond to sangria.

I read somewhere the men’s fellowship have been running the business. I’d be more inclined to deploy the Woman’s Guild. Think about a parade of mature, well-built, towering women in long, flowing blue, with head scarfs to match, walking on the beach, asking in soft cadence how they can be of help!

And if the Jitegemea folks want to be inventive, they could recast the Woman’s Guild uniform into theme nights, perhaps to introduce long, flowing blue-white deras. Even one night could allow skirts with hems slightly above the knee! Then throw in a spa that allows a variety of massages, one salaciously named “missionary” style!

The greatest resource in deploying the Woman’s Guild, and subsequently the Youth Groups, is that they would be offering their waiting services free of charge, not just because they’d be doing the Lord’s work, but also because being on the beach is a holiday of sorts.

That’s the kind of goodwill that the church enjoys. They’d squander it on the day they’re photographed on the stoop of the State House. Even these business tips have been offered gratis, and I haven’t asked to be hosted at Milele, which I should, actually, because I only accept gifts in kind, especially where the Woman’s Guild is deployed.